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Friday, July 10th, 2009
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1:30 am - The Lowest Moment of My Life, So Far
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Why haven’t I written much in this LJ recently? Well, unlike a number of people on LJ who love to complain publicly about the problems in their lives, I don’t. Most of the personal stuff I write here is positive news that I’m happy to share with friends. Oh sure, from time to time I’ll write about a bad day, my car breaking down, missing something I was looking forward to, being disappointed about something that I had had high expectations for, if I think it may make interesting writing. But I don’t like to write about my real problems. Fortunately, since I started this LJ in 2005, there haven’t been too many of them. But now that all has changed. Today I find myself at probably the lowest point I’ve ever been in my entire life.
I think back on the really, really bad moments of the last 41 years. Being bullied in elementary school, failing at military camp at age 14, difficulties at a sleepaway camp at age 15, cutting my foot and getting 6 stitches and not being able to walk for a month in 1986, being fired from my job as a newspaper reporter in November 1990 because of an error I made, coming down with a very painful gout attack a year later, being dumped in 1999 by the woman I thought I would marry, helping my father through a terrible illness in 2000, breaking with the synagogue I had loved for nine years immediately followed by the break with the woman with whom I was living back in 2004, and the deaths of beloved grandparents and friends Doc and Lulu Dorn.
All these things brought me terribly low and copious tears. Yet I think this moment trumps them all. This constant noise in my head that just won’t stop, and seems now will never stop. In all those other moments, I was able to find strength from quiet moments alone; this time it’s the quiet moments alone that are the worst.
But it gets worse.
To help me cope with this, my family came up from Florida to be with me to provide moral support. You know that my sister Judi was here. Then my parents came up. But the second day here—that is, very early on Friday morning July 3—my father got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom in his hotel room. He slipped on the floor, fell, and broke a rib.
We spent most of Friday at Martha Jefferson Hospital. X-rays and a CATscan. Dad was in horrible, horrible pain. I felt it was all my fault—he came to Virginia for my sake. I should have known that at 79 he wouldn’t travel well. But I was too self-centered; I thought my family’s presence would make my problem easier. I was wrong. I only brought more suffering to my family. Late in the afternoon, when I was able to leave my father’s hospital bed for a bit, I broke down. I lost it and went completely to pieces.
The last week, my father has stayed in his hotel room. Every little breath causes pain. They give him a painkiller called Percoset but it doesn’t help much. I’ve been by his side every day (except Tuesday) trying to help. My mother and sister have also been helping him. Of course, this means they haven’t been able to help me all that much since my Dad’s needs are more pressing than mine, at the moment.
Not sure how long my Dad—and the rest of my family—will stay in Virginia now. My Dad has trouble simply getting from the chair to the bed to the bathroom, so going to Florida is out of the question. The doctor says it could be 4 to 8 weeks for the rib to heal.
This has done no good for my tinnitus, which is aggravated by stress.
Now you may remember from my last entry that I had gotten an appointment with an ENT specialist for July 8—that was yesterday. He came highly recommended and I was really looking forward to seeing him. I had a lot of hopes that he could fix me.
So I went yesterday and Judi came with me. I must say it was a terrible, terrible letdown.
They gave me this elaborate hearing test. I have lost some hearing in the upper high-frequency range, but that’s completely normal for someone my age. Maybe that might have something to do with the tinnitus; maybe not. The doctor then ruled out some obvious possible causes such as an infection of the inner ear and earwax buildup. The bottom line is they are not sure what has caused it and have no idea how to cure it.
The doctor then offered some coping strategies—not much that I hadn’t already read about on the internet. Getting a white noise machine, cutting down on stimulants such as caffeine, and avoiding stressful situations (like dealing with a grumpy father with a broken rib, financial loss, destruction of a career, or a friend who was just sentenced to ten years in federal prison, for example). And he told me that most tinnitus sufferers get used to it in a year or so, and then don’t seem to mind so much, but a few never get used to it.
Then he said something that really got to me, as I thought hard about its implications over the next few hours. Actually, it was something I had kind of figured out on my own, but didn’t quite let it fix itself as a concept until he put it in so many words: when there is a lot of noise and hubbub and work and many things going on, the tinnitus is not so noticeable. It is at its worst when one is alone, in quiet settings.
I guess he was saying avoid being alone in quiet settings. But then I realized, as an introvert, quiet times alone—at least until 2 months ago—were always my best times. I get my strength and am able to deal with life’s problems when I sit quietly and think. The reason I live alone and do my work from home is not entirely an accident of fate—it’s mostly a conscious choice. I love quiet. I have trouble concentrating on work when there is noise. That’s part of my character.
Some people are the opposite. They always have to have a television or radio on in the background even when they are not listening. They need background noise. I suspect it is people like this who don’t seem to mind tinnitus. I suspect it’s introverts, like me, who have the most difficulty dealing with it.
So anyway, this supposedly-brilliant doctor left me with this bottom line: learn to live with it. And for this insight, he charged me $400.
As yesterday’s late afternoon and evening wore on, I grew more and more depressed. The ringing got louder and bothered me more. I saw my father suffering and saw no relief for myself. When I finally got home in the late evening, after spending the early evening with my family at the hotel, I again lost it. I cried myself to sleep last night. I haven’t done that since I don’t know when. I thought of all those really low moments in my life and concluded that this was the lowest of them all. There seemed to be no hope left.
Today I felt a little bit better. There are still some things I can do. There are herbal remedies that are said by some to help. My cousin Dana (who you may recall I visited last November with Debbie) has recommended Gingko Biloba, Gotu Kola, and Vervain. I can check out Chinese medicine which has a totally different point-of-view from Western Medicine. A friend whom I spoke with this morning recommended biofeedback. And I also just learned of a tinnitus clinic at the University of Virginia. The ENT thinks very little of these things, but that’s just his opinion.
So there’s still a little hope.
I have nothing more to say for now. I don’t wish to burden my friends with my problems. But I need to write this out. Putting it down in tangible words actually helps a little bit.
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| Tuesday, July 7th, 2009
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4:14 pm - A Meme
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Snagged from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) tsunderess and love_1776.
01. Your First and Middle Name:
02. Age:
03. Gender and Sexual Orientation:
04. Single or Taken:
05. Favorite Movie:
06. Favorite Novel:
07. Favorite Band/Artist/Genre:
08. What reminds you of me?
09. List 5 of Your Main Interests:
10. How well do you know me?
11. What was your first impression of me?
12. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
13. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes. What are they?
17. Can we get together and do crimes?
18. What are some things that you are completely against?
19. What is your biggest weakness?
20. What are some things we have in common?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about yourself, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Do you see us becoming better friends in the future?
27. If the world was ending in a week, what would you do?
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?
[You don't have to answer any question you don't want to.]
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| Friday, June 26th, 2009
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11:30 am - Time Wastes Too Fast
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| Sunday, June 21st, 2009
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6:16 pm - Hell’s Bells
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I suppose some of you may be wondering why I haven’t updated my LJ in a while; I fear a few of you may be thinking I might have fallen off the face of the earth. I certainly don’t want to create that impression (as one of my LJ friends has done, more than once), but I’ve been having a rather difficult time lately and it’s not the kind of thing that I enjoy sharing. But after six weeks, I’m coming to better terms with it and I think finally now I can write about it a bit more.
I spoke briefly about my problem in a previous journal entry, but I didn’t go into detail and I didn’t explain how the ringing in my ears has been so completely dominating my life. Perhaps I left you with the impression that it was merely one of many issues in my life and that it wasn’t so bad. Well, that was my intention, I guess, but it’s not the truth. On the contrary, it’s extremely overwhelming and frustrating and is prohibiting me from doing all but the most essential tasks of life.
I don’t want you to feel pity for me, but at the same time I believe that since it has become such a major part of my life, keeping it from you, my dear LJ friends whom I really care about, would be a lie of omission.
The ringing in my ears—or tinnitus as it is formally called—has been constant for over six weeks now. Sometimes it’s very strong, sometimes it’s weak (which is nice), and sometimes it’s average. Over the six week period, there have been more weaker times recently than there were the first few weeks, so there seems to be some overall improvement, but not once has it ever gone away, except when I’m asleep.
“Ringing” is a bit of a misnomer; it doesn’t really sound like a bell tolling, despite the fact that I have unaffectionately dubbed the condition “Hell’s Bells” in a weak attempt at humor. I guess if it resembles any bells at all, it would be like sleigh bells, except without the rhythm. Most of the time it resembles more of a whistle. Although sometimes it’s more of a hiss. Sometimes it sounds like crickets.
Sometimes it’s in both ears; sometimes my left ear alone.
It doesn’t really affect my hearing—I think I can hear pretty well—it’s just that on top of everything is the constant noise. When it’s really loud, it drowns out some things that are more quiet. And vice versa: when there is loud sound, it drowns out the tinnitus.
The sound of the ringing really isn’t so bad in and of itself. Rather it’s the fact that it doesn’t let up. Imagine someone 15 yards away blowing a whistle for 10 seconds or so—it’s no big deal. But then imagine that person blowing that whistle constantly, without letting up, for six weeks straight. It can really get on your nerves and cause stress. More frustrating is the psychological effect of knowing that something is wrong with you but you don’t know what’s causing it, you don’t know how to fix it, and you don’t know when it will end.
The first week, I went to the doctor and he told me that it could be high blood pressure. Or it could be a problem with the Eustachian Tube inside my ear. Or any of several other things—or a combination. He said it might go away in a few weeks or a few months. Or it might never go away. He said if it was still bothering me six weeks later, he’d consider sending me to an ENT (ears-nose-throat) specialist. In the meantime, he doubled my blood-pressure medication (my blood pressure was extremely high) and made an appointment for a follow-up six weeks later. He didn’t seem anywhere near as concerned as I was.
Over the next few weeks, despite doubling my medication, my blood pressure continued to rise (at one point, it was as high as 159 / 109). The ringing did not go away. I’m not sure if it actually got worse, but it certainly wasn’t getting any better. I felt I couldn’t do anything with my life and I got more and more scared. One night, when it was particularly loud I was just crying on my bed in total frustration and inability to make it stop. The next morning I called the doctor and got an appointment for the following morning.
He gave me a new medication for my blood pressure to mix with the one I was already taking, but there are no drugs for the tinnitus. He made me an appointment with an ENT specialist, but the soonest he could get me was July 8. Almost a month away. In the meantime I’d just have to bare it. And he said it was still possible that it could just go away of its own accord. And while there have been a few days within the last week that it’s gotten rather quiet for a bit and I was starting to think it was on the verge of actually going away, the ringing has come back, almost as loud as before. And I lose hope.
In the last few days, the blood pressure has actually come down a bit, so I think the new medication may be working, but the ringing has not gone away. This leads me to conclude that the ringing caused the high blood pressure, not the other way around.
I have to tell you, I’ve had quite a few low moments in the last month-and-a-half. Despite the advice of several people, this isn’t just something I can ignore. And I’ve felt quite lonely and isolated. You know, living alone has many, many advantages; but when you’re sick, especially when you don’t know what exactly is wrong, the disadvantages become really obvious.
Fortunately, I have a great family and my sister Judi, who lives in Florida, has come up to be with me. She got here on Thursday and it’s been good having her here. Partly to take care of me and cook some healthy meals for me, but, more importantly, there is a tremendous psychological benefit just knowing there is someone else in the house. God forbid something should suddenly happen to me, she’s here to respond immediately.
So, until I see the specialist in two-and-a-half weeks, I’m holding on the best I can. I find it helps a bit if I take hot baths, late-afternoon naps, and a few other little things I’ve discovered that can give a little temporary relief as I try to distract myself. And I keep the fans on—they make white-noise that helps to drown out the ringing, a little bit.
Still, I’m anxious to get on with life. There are so many things I’d like to do that have been put on temporary hold. I want to go to New York to visit my girlfriend. I want to go to Florida to visit friends and family. I want to keep up my Chizfilm website (which hasn’t been updated in well over a month). I want to buy some new furniture. Go exploring. Meet people. Live life. But the only thing that I really, really want to do is sleep. When I’m asleep, that’s the only relief I get from the tinnitus.
I think it’s fair to say this is one of the worst—if not the worst—health issue I’ve had to deal with in 41 years of existence. I keep telling myself that God doesn’t give you problems that you can’t handle; that what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger; that I will emerge from this a better person than I was. But I’m not sure I believe it. I just hope it will all end soon.
I’m really looking forward to the day when I will be able to proclaim, “Ah, silence!” You don’t know what a beautiful thing silence can be until you’ve lost it and then found it again.
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| Friday, June 5th, 2009
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3:03 pm - Photos of Williamsburg
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As promised, here are 13 photos I took of my recent trip to Williamsburg with Debbie. I hope you like them.
The Capitol Building.
Twelve more behind the LJ Cut. Be sure to click the link.
( Read more... )
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| Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
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5:21 pm - Cry Witch
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So, to continue with what I was saying, the best experience Debbie and I had in Williamsburg was attending a witch trial. We saw the performance, which was entitled “Cry Witch,” on our second evening there. It was a recreation of an actual trial which took place in 1706, and held in the very courtroom in the Capitol Building where it really happened.
Since Debbie and I were two of the first to arrive and first to be seated, we were honored to be seated up front in the seats of the associate justices, right next to the actor playing the governor/judge. (Apparently, in those days, the Royal Governor was responsible for presiding over felony trials.) We had the best seats in the house.
There were seven cast members. Besides the governor, the accused was a woman named Grace Sherwood of Princess Anne County (today Virginia Beach). There was the Attorney General who was the prosecutor. There was the Sheriff who acted as the court bailiff. And there were three witnesses who had traveled to testify against the defendant.
The trail was just fascinating. Using late 17th Century beliefs about witchcraft and early 18th Century law and British trial procedures, the case against Ms. Sherwood unfolded with superstition, dreams, coincidences, neighborly quarrels, a miscarriage, poor social skills, and an unfortunate birthmark. Witnesses testified that she floated upon water unnaturally and that she had the mark of the devil upon her body.
Associate justices (and for the purposes of this 21st Century recreation, everyone in the audience) were allowed to question the witnesses. That is, we could direct our question to the governor and he would rephrase the question in proper legal language to the witness if he determined the question was appropriate; if not he would refuse to ask the question. Quite a number of times that happened during the trial and I was impressed with how insightful some of the questions from the audience were. I was tempted to ask a question or two, but considering how painful the ringing in my ears was, at the time, I decided to stand down.
Remember when this was taking place. 1706. It was after the Salem Witch Trials and western civilization was slowly moving into the Enlightenment, yet still the masses had not stopped being afraid of witches. It was a period of transition and I got the impression that the governor, who made comments about the learned men of the day discounting superstition about witches, did not believe in witchcraft; yet he was obligated to uphold the law. Witchcraft was against the law and the Attorney General believed this woman was guilty. There had to be a trial.
The final verdict, for the purposes of our 21st Century recreation, would be determined by a vote of the audience, and I was pretty certain that the accused would be found innocent. Without given specific instructions to vote the way you might imagine your superstitious ancestors might vote, I couldn’t see how a contemporary audience, despite the testimony of the witnesses, could believe in witchcraft and condemn this woman to death for it. At least certainly by a large majority.
And yet, when it came time to vote, I was quite surprised. Debbie and I and about 30 others in the audience voted not-guilty. But when the governor asked those who thought she was guilty to raise their hands, there were so many that it was so obvious and the governor told the sheriff not to bother counting. There were at least 50 or 60 hands raised. Maybe more. I was quite shocked. And when the verdict was announced to the defendant, the poor woman was dragged out of the courtroom toward her death, damning everyone to Hell. My heart broke. I was so moved.
We found out, at the end, that in the original trial of 1706, the woman was probably found not-guilty. Actually, they are not 100% certain of that, since all the court records had been moved to Richmond when the capital was moved and then were destroyed in 1865 when Richmond burned to the ground. However in the archives of Virginia Beach—which includes those of Princess Anne County—they found a document, a will, with Grace Sherwood’s name on it dated 1714. It’s possible she could have been found guilty and then pardoned or given a sentence lesser than death; or it’s possible there could have been another women in the same town with the same name. The most likely conclusion is that she was found not-guilty.
Debbie and I walked out of the Capitol Building that evening terribly moved. This was certainly the best experience we had had at Williamsburg. Yet despite that, or maybe even because of that, I was deeply disturbed by the 21st Century verdict. This was nearly two weeks ago now and I still can’t stop thinking about it.
I did a little research on the internet about this play and discovered that just like the performance of “Cry Witch” that we witnessed, on most nights Grace Sherwood is found guilty. How could so many people today vote guilty? What does this tell us about our contemporary society? Has nothing changed in three centuries? What are we so afraid of? Is it still the occult and witches and the supernatural? Or are their other things in our society that frighten us to death and this play merely reflects that? In the 1950s, we were so afraid of Communists that we thought our neighbors were out to get us. And was it not too long ago we thought every person whom we passed on the street who had a middle eastern look or dress was a terrorist who wanted to kill us? And I think of my friend Kris who is a victim of a modern day witch hunt.
Who was it who said that if we do not learn from the mistakes of the past we are doomed to repeat it? Well, in Williamsburg, we are reliving our past. In more ways than one. I have nothing but praise for the researchers, writers, and performers of “Cry Witch,” yet it is the audience that scares me.
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4:03 pm - Williamsburg
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Wow—it’s been six weeks since I’ve done an update about my personal life. So much has happened since I left Florida and returned to Virginia, a month-and-a-half ago.
For one, my friend Ben, who became a lawyer, came up to Virginia with me. It was great to share the driving and then he spent several days here. We had a great visit. We toured Monticello and other Charlottesville area attractions including Michie Tavern, the Blue Ridge Parkway, and attended a “Fridays after Five” concert on the Downtown Pedestrian Mall. It was a great visit and I really enjoyed him being here and discussing all sorts of things, including important legal issues.
Shortly after he returned, I got sick. It may or may not have had anything to do with getting a wireless modem for my apartment. I fell ill approximately three hours after I turned it on. Quite probably an incredible coincidence, but I cannot dismiss the possibility that the modem made me sick; after all, it does emit a powerful signal. I felt tired, dizzy, nauseous, achy; after a few days all those symptoms disappeared but were replaced by a constant ringing in my ears. It’s now been almost four weeks and the ringing will not stop. It’s driving me crazy. I’ve been to the doctor and he says it could be related to blood pressure, which is suddenly extremely high, or it could be a problem with my Eustachian tube inside my ear. Either way, he said it could take six to eight weeks, or even a few months, to go away. There’s not much that can be done about it except to increase my blood pressure medication. I’ve been on a double dosage for just about three weeks now but it seems to be doing little good. The last few days, the ringing, in general, has gotten a bit softer. But today it’s strong again. It makes it hard to concentrate on daily activities. Warm baths seem to calm me, though.
The other big news is that Debbie came to visit me for ten days because she had vacation. With the exception of the frustrating constant ringing in my ears, we had a good time. We went to the Downtown Pedestrian Mall, the Blue Ridge Parkway, and watched a number of great movies including “The Namesake,” “Quinceañera,” “That Thing You Do,” “Garden State,” and the six-and-a-half hour mini-series “Masada.” I also showed her the video of the play I co-authored, “Jerusalem Jones and the Mystery of the Dead Sea Scrolls,” which premiered in 2003. That brought back a lot of memories.
On May 25, we celebrated Debbie’s birthday. We had a great lunch at Michie Tavern (a colonial tavern which serves food cooked from 18th Century recipes) and then went to the top of Carter’s Mountain where we had a great view of all of Central Virginia. For dinner, I cooked Debbie my homemade chili which she liked. For dessert we had ice cream and a brownie on which I put a candle. I didn’t have any birthday candles so I used a Hanukkah candle.
But the most exciting thing we did was spent three full days in Colonial Williamsburg, a two-hour drive from here. This was a belated anniversary celebration. (The second anniversary of the day we met was May 12; two weeks later we celebrated in Williamsburg.)
In case anyone is not familiar with Williamsburg, it was the capitol of Virginia from 1699 to 1781; many famous events, including several associated with the American Revolution, took place there. Some 18th Century buildings still stand; many have been carefully and painfully reconstructed to appear as they did in the 18th Century. The two centerpieces are the Capitol Building and the Royal Governor’s Palace; yet every building within the mile-by-mile-and-a-half historical district is either authentic or an as-accurate-as-possible recreation. So to wander along Duke of Gloucester Street, the main street which runs through the center of town, is like taking a trip back in time. Costumed actors help create the illusion. It’s a dream-come-true for any fan of early American History.
One of the first things we did was tour the Capitol Building. We saw the chamber where the House of Burgesses met. Patrick Henry made many famous speeches, including his “Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death” speech, here. Other famous members included George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. We saw committee rooms, the Governor’s chamber, and the courtroom where all the felony crimes for the colony of Virginia were tried. (I’ll speak more about this courtroom later.)
The Governor’s Palace, too, was quite remarkable. It was decorated as it was during the time of the last Royal Governor, just prior to American independence. Awe-inspiring foyer, luxurious bed chambers, a grand dining room, and a sweeping ballroom adorned with paintings of King George III and Queen Charlotte. The gardens behind the palace were well groomed and symmetrically balanced, typical of 18th Century tastes.
At the Dewitt Wallace Museum, we saw displays on 18th Century treatment of mental health problems, listened to a lecture on the making of ceramics, and watched a movie about a runaway slave. (It was good to be reminded that here in Williamsburg, though it was full of great men and great events, the whole thing ran on slave labor—there was quite a dark underbelly to the whole thing.)
We visited the blacksmith shop, the magazine where the armory was kept, an apothecary shop, a printer and bookbinder, the jail, the post office, and took time out to get a drink and a pretzel from the Raleigh Tavern Bakery. We saw William and Mary, the first university in the Americas. We also enjoyed seeing the county courthouse where we learned some interesting things about 18th Century law, crime, and punishment. The county courthouse is where misdemeanors were tried.
Costumed actors performed throughout the afternoon. We saw them recreate historical events which took place in Williamsburg, debate the issues involving American independence, and even saw a (fictional?) love story play out. At one point, a group of patriots threatened to tar-and-feather a Tory for refusing to renounce the King. At another point, a man got up and warned the people of an imminent slave rebellion if the slaves were not further curtailed.
Our first evening there we took the Ghost Tour. This was really exciting. Based on actual tales and legends, we were taken to three places where people had claimed to see ghosts, and saw three amazing monologues by actors playing those ghosts. The first was at the home of Peyton Randolph, the first President of the Continental Congress; there a woman, who was the ghost of the wife of the next owner, who described how her son was killed by the ghost of a slave and then how she became a ghost. The second, at the Wyeth House, was the ghost of Lady Skipwith. She told us a soap-opery yet incredibly compelling story of the jealousy she had with her sister whom she eventually killed and then married her husband, and in turn was killed by the cat who had witnessed her murder; now she is the ghost that haunts that house. The third performance was behind the Governor’s Palace which had served as a hospital during and immediately after the Battle of Yorktown (only 15 miles away). A number of unknown soldiers were buried near there and the ghost of one of those unknown soldiers spoke to us and told us his moving story. All three actors were just excellent and Debbie and I enjoyed it very much.
But the most exciting thing Debbie and I attended in Williamsburg was a witch trial. Since I have much to say about it, and have already written too much in this entry, I’ll write about it in the next entry. Hopefully I’ll get to it soon. And also hopefully, I’ll post some photos. So keep an eye out.
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12:07 pm - Thirty Things Meme
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1. Have you ever been searched by the cops? No.
2. Do you close your eyes on a roller coaster? No.
3. When’s the last time you went sledding? When I was 14.
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? With Debbie.
5. Do you believe in ghosts? No.
6. Do you consider yourself creative? Not as much as I wish I was.
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife? I don’t know. He was aquitted, then convicted but set free with a fine, then convicted again. What a crazy “justice” system we have.
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? What about them? Who do I think is a more talented actor? That’s a toughie; neither seems to have real gravitas, but Jennifer Aniston did some good work in “The Good Girl.” I also heard she was really good in “Friends with Money” but I haven’t had a chance to see that yet.
9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics? I don’t know. I honestly didn’t think Obama could win the 2008 election, so I probably know less than I thought. Maybe politics is changing.
10. Do you know how to play poker? Yes, but I’m not very good at it. It’s hard not to smile when I get a good hand.
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? No. 36 hours, once.
12. What’s your favorite commercial? Geico Caveman.
13. Who was your first love? A girl in high school named Paula. I never told her how I felt.
14. If you’re driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light? I have.
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? No.
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? I don’t know. I think I remember hearing somewhere that, in the history of Major League Basball, the Yankees have won more World Serieses than the Red Sox. I’m not sure what the exact numbers are, but I think it’s close.
17. Have you ever been ice skating? Yes; when I was a teenager. Every once in a while I’m tempted to try again.
18. How often do you remember your dreams? Only once in a while.
19. What’s the one thing on your mind? Ringing.
20. Do you always wear your seat belt? Only when I’m in a car or plane. Never on a bus or train.
21. What talent do you wish you had? To be more musical.
22. Do you like sushi? No.
23. What do you wear to bed? Nothing.
24. Do you truly hate anyone? Not anymore.
25. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be? Penélope Cruz.
26. Do you know anyone in jail? He’s no longer in jail; now he’s in prison.
27. What food do you find disgusting? Eel.
28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back? No.
29. Have you ever been punched in the face? No.
30. Do you believe in angels and demons? Yes; Debbie is an angel. So is my Mom and a few other people. As for demons, I’ve seen several people tortured by their inner demons.
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, June 1st, 2009
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10:16 pm - Narcissism Meme
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| Saturday, May 16th, 2009
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12:59 am - Poll on Fast Food Restaurants
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Earlier tonight Debbie and I were talking about fast food restaurants. So let me take a poll of my friends. I’m wondering, what is your favorite fast food restaurant. Answer the poll and then leave a comment saying why.
Poll #1400713 Fast Food Restaurants
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: AllWhat is your favorite fast food restaurant?
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(13 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, May 13th, 2009
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4:51 pm - Teenage Crushes Meme
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Snagged from sallycandance.
Think about your teenage crushes and make a list (between 5-10 of them). Then let us know:
1) Who?
2) Add a picture if you want to
3) Why?
4) Do you still like them now?
This actually intrigues me; it’s been so long since I’ve thought of the women who I had crushes on in my youth. So much time has gone by, I’ve forgotten most of these. I actually enjoyed sitting down and trying to remember who it was that turned me on, sexually, back when I was first starting to discover sexuality. And it’s interesting to note how I’ve changed—or haven’t—in all this time.
Okay, here they are, in no particular order. (Behind the LJ cut.)
( Read more... )
So that’s that. But of course, none of these youthful crushes have anything on Debbie. She outshines them all.
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, May 12th, 2009
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6:33 pm - Chizfilm Updated - "Milk"
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11:06 am - Happy Anniversary Debbie!
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Happy two-year anniversary to my wonderful better-half! It’s been two fantastic years, Debbie, and here’s to many, many more! All my love!
Jonathan and Debbie – Since May 12, 2007
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, May 9th, 2009
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1:05 pm - Chizfilm Updated
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| Tuesday, May 5th, 2009
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7:31 pm - "Terrorism in 1776" from Current TV
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3:31 pm - Chizfilm Updated
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| Friday, May 1st, 2009
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11:33 am - Writer's Block: End of the World as We Know It
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12:38 am - Chizfilm Updated - Lunafest
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| Saturday, April 18th, 2009
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12:42 am - Florida’s Newest Lawyer
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Fern Park, FL. – Hard to believe that it’s been nearly a month since I’ve written a substantive post here in LJ. You might think that I’ve vanished off the face of the Earth except that I have been keeping up my Chizfilm site and posting updates to that. Plus I’ve been making comments on many of my friends’ journals—at least trying to.
So why haven’t I written? I don’t know. Just other things to do, and nothing much positive that’s exciting that I’ve really wanted to share with the world. Until today, that is, when I was pleased to witness a very happy occasion.
But before I get to that, let me just say a couple of quick things first. I’ve been down here in Florida for almost three weeks now. For the most part, it’s been a pretty good trip.
On the ride down, last month, I took a detour, stopping off for an extra evening in a place called Laurinburg, NC. It’s about 30 miles out of the way, so not bad at all. An old friend, who six years ago had directed a play I co-authored, was now teaching theatre at a small college; by an incredible coincidence, the day I was planning to drive through North Carolina, he was opening “The Threepenny Opera” by Bertolt Brecht. One of my favorite plays of all time. So I stopped off and saw that, which I just loved, and also got reacquainted with my friend whom I hadn’t seen in six years. So it took an extra day to get down here, but it was so worth it.
Then I got here to Florida and settled in at the new house my parents recently bought—nice to have a new place to stay. I’m sharing it with my sister Judi who’s living here now, while my parents stay at the old place, only a few doors down the street.
For the first week I was very busy attending the Florida Film Festival, as you should know if you read the two Chizfilm articles that I wrote about it. 34 films in seven days. I very much enjoyed seeing all the movies (except for that one which I mentioned) and also seeing my friend Elizabeth, who is a filmmaker. I also managed to see two other friends while I was down here, both of whom are named Ben.
Two days after the festival ended, Passover began, and I was busy helping my family prepare for and lead two Seders. We had four guests and a wonderful holiday. This last week, I’ve enjoyed relaxing, visiting with my family, and going to see “Sunshine Cleaning,” which I wrote about for Chizfilm.
And speaking of Chizfilm, there might possibly be some changes regarding that in the future. A friend of mine recently sent me an e-mail making some suggestions. I need to think about it some more. I’ll probably post an entry about it sometime in the near future soliciting your opinions.
Okay, so now finally I come to the big news. It’s about my friend Ben. Not that Ben, the other Ben. He graduated from FSU law school last year, and took the Florida Bar exam last February. Well, on Monday, he found out he passed. I wasn’t surprised; I knew he would do it.
But before being admitted to the Bar, there’s one last little formality after passing the exam. He has to be sworn in by a judge. Now, there’s a mass swearing-in ceremony of all those who just passed the exam in about three weeks; but he’s not required to attend that. He can make an appointment with a judge at any time. For various reasons, Ben didn’t want to wait—I don’t blame him. If it had been me, I too would have been anxious to be inducted. So he made an appointment with a judge this afternoon and invited me to be a witness. I was terribly honored.
The judge, it turned out, was actually a neighbor of his whom he had known for 10 years; she’d taken an interest in his career and so it was very appropriate to have her be the judge to swear him in.
It was a private ceremony. Besides myself, Ben’s parents were there. He had invited one other friend but he, unfortunately, was unable to make it. I met Ben and his parents at the Seminole County Courthouse, in Sanford, Florida, shortly before 3:00. We took a few photos to mark the occasion. At 3:00, we were escorted by a bailiff into a courtroom and told to wait for the judge. It was about 10 minutes.
It was a very nice and dignified courtroom with dark wood paneling. At the front, behind the judge’s bench, was the Seal of the Great State of Florida and the flags of Florida and the US. There was a certain ambiance in the room. Hard to describe. Almost like a sacredness. Like a secularized version of how one might feel in a sanctuary in a church or synagogue. I suspect the courtroom was purposely designed like that, to generate awe and respect for the law.
Finally the bailiff announced officially, “All rise. The Court of Seminole County, in the Great State of Florida, is now in session.” And the judge walked in from her chambers wearing her robe. They really made it official. In fact, the whole ceremony was documented on court-recording video and we’ll, hopefully, be getting a copy. Quite frankly, I didn’t realize how formal this was going to be.
The judge came over to greet us. Of course, she knew Ben and his parents; and she met me and welcomed me to her court. Ben and his parents were invited to stand in front of the judge’s bench—I had to remain behind the little fence, where the public sat. From there I took a photo. The bailiff also took a photo from a better angle.
Ben had brought a Jewish Bible which had been in his family for three or four generations. His parents held it up. Ben placed one hand on the Bible and held the other upright. He repeated, after the judge, phrase by phrase, the oath of membership in the Florida Bar.
It’s actually a rather complex and long oath; much more so than we’re accustomed to seeing elected officials take. It took about five minutes for the oath to be repeated.
Here is what Ben swore:
I do solemnly swear: I will support the Constitution of the United
States and the Constitution of the State of Florida; I will maintain
the respect due to courts of justice and judicial officers; I will not
counsel or maintain any suit or proceedings which shall appear to
me to be unjust, nor any defense except such as I believe to be
honestly debatable under the law of the land; I will employ for the
purpose of maintaining the causes confided to me such means only
as are consistent with truth and honor, and will never seek to mislead
the judge or jury by any artifice or false statement of fact or law; I
will maintain the confidence and preserve inviolate the secrets of my
clients, and will accept no compensation in connection with their
business except from them or with their knowledge and approval; I
will abstain from all offensive personality and advance no fact
prejudicial to the honor or reputation of a party or witness, unless
required by the justice of the cause with which I am charged; I will
never reject, from any consideration personal to myself, the cause
of the defenseless or oppressed, or delay anyone’s cause for lucre
or malice. So help me God.
Actually, I was impressed by that. I don’t impress easily, as many of you know, but I liked how it spelled out the details of ethical behavior, making it official. And at the point where the judge said, “and will never seek to mislead the judge or jury by any artifice or false statement of fact or law,” she kind of emphasized that. We later remarked on that. I wondered if she felt that a lawyer had at one time attempted to mislead her and Ben’s father laughed. He said he was sure that happens every day.
Anyway, when it was over, the judge congratulated Ben and we applauded. The bailiff too. The judge told Ben that he was now Florida’s newest lawyer. I felt very proud of Ben; and I know his parents were beaming. Then the judge nodded toward the bailiff and she announced, “Court is adjourned!” Time for one last photo and the judge left. Then the bailiff escorted us out of the courtroom. The whole thing had lasted about ten minutes.
We came out of the courtroom all smiles. A few more photos. A few more congratulations. And Ben joked, “My time is now worth ten times what it was this morning.”
I was very proud and pleased to be there. So glad to have been invited. And so fortunate that I just happened to be in Florida at this moment.
Afterwards, we all went to Starbucks for some coffee. We sat around and talked for an hour. Had a good time.
So now I’ve got one more day in Florida. I’ll be leaving on Sunday and getting back to Virginia on Monday night. And guess what. Ben’s going to come with me. He deserves a week-long vacation after all that hard work. He and I will tour all the Charlottesville sites, especially Monticello, and discuss what kind of law he’ll now practice. I’m going to urge him toward Civil Rights law, but I don’t think I’ll have to push that hard because I think he’s leaning that way already.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
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10:05 pm - Chizfilm Updated - "Sunshine Cleaning"
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